22. January 2006
A Commentary on "The News"
Drudge Report Headlines from Sunday January 22--1230EST
(taken without any permission from drudgereport.com)
I've taken the liberty of translating the headlines into what they really mean. You're welcome for this service in advance. TTFN.
"Get ready to get your war on." Whenever it says "Israel," that means USA. They are interchangeable. Without the states, Israel wouldn't exist. And without Israel and our buddies the royal family in Saudi Arabia, we wouldn't have a permanent presence in the region. As for Iran, the powers that be have been preparing everyone for the inevitable for the last few years now--that is, continued US "intervention" in the Middle East. Hold on to your hats, we still have 3 more years of GW left, and a helluva lot of war to bring.
"We want to make new automobiles that will be branded to appease liberal environmentalist ideals while at the same time be aesthetically appealing to the gas guzzling republican archetype--in addition to cutting down overhead and increasing profit margins."I'll believe it when I see it.
Wait...is this news? I loved Johnny Cash, but damn, who really gives a shit? IT'S JUST A MOVIE! GET OVER IT!
It's always gotta be the French, dammit. Wasn't the 'Freedom Fry' thing enough? Now they don't want us to go to Paris because of bird flu--or should I say SARS, part 2. She's probably got a cold anyway. And who is the poor bastard who's job it is to go around testing "bird droppings?" Jeez...
Due to a lack of any original ideas and the inflated costs of producing even the most basic, piece of shit film--the major LA-based film studios will have a less prolific output over the next few years as they attempt to determine how they've managed to permanently scar the greatest artistic medium the world has ever known. In other news--more films are being shot outside of Hollywood than ever before." and ""Bosom Buddies" Alum Tom Hanks will only be receiving a few million dollars to star in "The DaVinci Code," rather than his usual 'several million.'"
This isn't a surprise or news. The funniest bit about Jack Abramoff is the Clooney joke about naming a guy 'Jack' who's surname ends in 'off.' So true.
Ok, I know for a fact this is what Dr. Octopus was working on in "Spiderman 2"...and if I remember correctly, that didn't turn out so well. Do we really need any more evil supervillains running around the world what with all the "terrorists" lurking out there? Ten bucks says that's what Kim Jong il's recent trip to China was really about. In the meantime, maybe somebody should send a Spiderman 2 dvd to this dude.
"Daytona Beach gets even dirtier" I've been to Daytona Beach and it's no Cote d'Azur by any stretch. I like the idea of being naked, and people having the right to be naked, be it at a strip club or at the beach...but the folks I saw during my trip there for Bike Week...I don't want to imagine naked. Ever. Never ever.
Once again, I've been there. I like Oklahoma even less than Daytona. Must've been hard to pick her out, what with all of the beautiful human specimens running around hotspots such as Tulsa! next...
Since when did whatever Harry Belafonte says become news? And who knew he was smart? Good for him! I always thought Homeland Security was more like the SS though...but if Belafonte says Gestapo, I'll bow to his superior intellect.
The aforementioned "new technology," refers to advances in methodology such as "actually trying." We can destroy cars from space and find Saddam in a hole in the ground in the middle of Nowhere, but we can't find the most infamous 6'6'' sickly man on a dialysis machine in the world, who happens to be hiding in the Afghani mountains. hmmmm...
Democrats' nightmare? How 'bout the country's? Now it makes sense why they nominated that unqualified hack the first time, so they could push through THIS slightly more qualified, and exponentially crazier hack. That fox-like cunning is why they are in control...it's like some kind of conservative Harry Houdini-style sleight-of-hand wizardry, that sadly enough, seems to be working.
"FILIBUSTER ALITO! FUCK YES!" That's why you have the power...to use it! If a young Jimmy Stewart could do it in "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington," and I could do it in my 8th grade Mock Congress--then you can too! Bring a thermos and some nachos and maybe a few of those energy bars, oh, and some red bulls...maybe a few adderalls and some pertinent material to read such as the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, etc. This will eat up some time--but remember to read slow...and one last thing, and this is a tall order, but pick someone smart to do it. We can't get started on a thing like this and have someone fuck up and accidently yield the floor. Capisca?
Well, I could say something to the effect of, I like London less than I like Daytona or Oklahoma--but I won't. Save it's charming residents with their uber sexy accents and cosy climate, the Thames has to be to most wretched waterway in the world. I'm surprised the poor lost whale lasted as long as he did what with all the pollution and rotting corpses plugging up the river. Let that be a lesson to all the whales out there, if you go to the UK, go to Scotland, or better yet-- Wales.
Who are these people and why do we care? They'll come out of the closet when they're good and ready. ;p
(taken without any permission from drudgereport.com)
I've taken the liberty of translating the headlines into what they really mean. You're welcome for this service in advance. TTFN.
"Get ready to get your war on." Whenever it says "Israel," that means USA. They are interchangeable. Without the states, Israel wouldn't exist. And without Israel and our buddies the royal family in Saudi Arabia, we wouldn't have a permanent presence in the region. As for Iran, the powers that be have been preparing everyone for the inevitable for the last few years now--that is, continued US "intervention" in the Middle East. Hold on to your hats, we still have 3 more years of GW left, and a helluva lot of war to bring.
"We want to make new automobiles that will be branded to appease liberal environmentalist ideals while at the same time be aesthetically appealing to the gas guzzling republican archetype--in addition to cutting down overhead and increasing profit margins."I'll believe it when I see it.
Wait...is this news? I loved Johnny Cash, but damn, who really gives a shit? IT'S JUST A MOVIE! GET OVER IT!
It's always gotta be the French, dammit. Wasn't the 'Freedom Fry' thing enough? Now they don't want us to go to Paris because of bird flu--or should I say SARS, part 2. She's probably got a cold anyway. And who is the poor bastard who's job it is to go around testing "bird droppings?" Jeez...
Due to a lack of any original ideas and the inflated costs of producing even the most basic, piece of shit film--the major LA-based film studios will have a less prolific output over the next few years as they attempt to determine how they've managed to permanently scar the greatest artistic medium the world has ever known. In other news--more films are being shot outside of Hollywood than ever before." and ""Bosom Buddies" Alum Tom Hanks will only be receiving a few million dollars to star in "The DaVinci Code," rather than his usual 'several million.'"
This isn't a surprise or news. The funniest bit about Jack Abramoff is the Clooney joke about naming a guy 'Jack' who's surname ends in 'off.' So true.
Ok, I know for a fact this is what Dr. Octopus was working on in "Spiderman 2"...and if I remember correctly, that didn't turn out so well. Do we really need any more evil supervillains running around the world what with all the "terrorists" lurking out there? Ten bucks says that's what Kim Jong il's recent trip to China was really about. In the meantime, maybe somebody should send a Spiderman 2 dvd to this dude.
"Daytona Beach gets even dirtier" I've been to Daytona Beach and it's no Cote d'Azur by any stretch. I like the idea of being naked, and people having the right to be naked, be it at a strip club or at the beach...but the folks I saw during my trip there for Bike Week...I don't want to imagine naked. Ever. Never ever.
Once again, I've been there. I like Oklahoma even less than Daytona. Must've been hard to pick her out, what with all of the beautiful human specimens running around hotspots such as Tulsa! next...
Since when did whatever Harry Belafonte says become news? And who knew he was smart? Good for him! I always thought Homeland Security was more like the SS though...but if Belafonte says Gestapo, I'll bow to his superior intellect.
The aforementioned "new technology," refers to advances in methodology such as "actually trying." We can destroy cars from space and find Saddam in a hole in the ground in the middle of Nowhere, but we can't find the most infamous 6'6'' sickly man on a dialysis machine in the world, who happens to be hiding in the Afghani mountains. hmmmm...
Democrats' nightmare? How 'bout the country's? Now it makes sense why they nominated that unqualified hack the first time, so they could push through THIS slightly more qualified, and exponentially crazier hack. That fox-like cunning is why they are in control...it's like some kind of conservative Harry Houdini-style sleight-of-hand wizardry, that sadly enough, seems to be working.
"FILIBUSTER ALITO! FUCK YES!" That's why you have the power...to use it! If a young Jimmy Stewart could do it in "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington," and I could do it in my 8th grade Mock Congress--then you can too! Bring a thermos and some nachos and maybe a few of those energy bars, oh, and some red bulls...maybe a few adderalls and some pertinent material to read such as the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, etc. This will eat up some time--but remember to read slow...and one last thing, and this is a tall order, but pick someone smart to do it. We can't get started on a thing like this and have someone fuck up and accidently yield the floor. Capisca?
Well, I could say something to the effect of, I like London less than I like Daytona or Oklahoma--but I won't. Save it's charming residents with their uber sexy accents and cosy climate, the Thames has to be to most wretched waterway in the world. I'm surprised the poor lost whale lasted as long as he did what with all the pollution and rotting corpses plugging up the river. Let that be a lesson to all the whales out there, if you go to the UK, go to Scotland, or better yet-- Wales.
Who are these people and why do we care? They'll come out of the closet when they're good and ready. ;p
